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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25372837">Don't Tell Me What to Fear (In the Darkness of This Atmosphere)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/afternoonish'>afternoonish (orphan_account)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Also I keep forgetting words, And also pointed ears, Benrey is a wacky humanoid creature, Bordon - Freeform, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, I have never played Half Life, M/M, Not A Game AU, Post-Canon, Science Team Still keeps in Contact, Therapy Sessions Mentioned, and claws, but its good its great i will survive, frenrey, he has a tail, probably, whole lotta bonding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:07:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,698</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25372837</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/afternoonish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Of all the things Gordon was expecting to find when he returned to the ruins of Black Mesa one last time (at the order of his therapist), Benrey had to be the lowest on the list. Yet here the bastard was, probably about to pass out, and looking just as surprised to see Gordon.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benrey &amp; Gordon Freeman, Benrey &amp; Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Don't Tell Me What to Fear (In the Darkness of This Atmosphere)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Standing in the half-destroyed rubble of what used to be Black Mesa, Gordon realized the place suddenly seemed so much smaller and less threatening than it had months ago.</p><p>And maybe that was why his therapist had told him to go here, he thought. After 2 months of not really being able to progress far before another nightmare sent him back to almost square one, his therapist had finally decided it was time for him to revisit the place where all of his trauma had come from. The incident and the resonance cascade was still kept mostly quiet, but the most obvious details had hit the news shortly after Gordon and the others had escaped- they'd been given a very large amount of hush money to not tell the presses or anyone about any further details. Gordon had maybe broken this rule a little bit with going to therapy, but he'd mostly skirted around details that incriminated the government or any of the shady fucks behind Black Mesa.</p><p>So now here he stood, his flashlight shining over the surprisingly-not-irradiated scene before him. How many months had it been since the resonance cascade first happened? Four? Four months seemed right. And his therapist's plan did seem to be working; as his boots smacked chunks of destroyed concrete wall out of the way, his brain seemed to adjust again to the idea that this was not some great dangerous place that only existed in his head, but was now a very tangible and harmless pile of rocks and rust. </p><p>"We won, you shithole." He managed a genuine grin of triumph. The brunette shone his flashlight over the parts of the above-ground structures that was still left intact, the light illuminating a sign with half of it ripped off, which read in bold letters "GOVERNMENT PRO - DO NOT E". Gordon was once again amused by this. It was so weird that this was once such a secretive government experimentation area, but now any old urban explorer who could figure out where the place was could come here. Anything that could have roused suspicion had been conveniently "tragically destroyed" in an "earthquake" a month after Gordon and the others had escaped. The Science Team still didn't know what the government had done with the giant machine that had caused the resonance cascade, but apparently earthquakes could now turn things into thin air and thoroughly sanitize the area around the things that were removed, because there sure as hell wasn't any sign of the resonance cascade (or any damage for that matter) in the photos of the test chamber that some urban explorers had posted online.</p><p>Despite all of that craziness, none of them had revisited the place since they'd first left. They all had their different reasons, but Gordon was the only one who seemed to actually fear this place. Recurring nightmares of losing his arm (he subconsciously hefted the flashlight in his right arm, as if checking his arm was still there right now), fighting off monsters, fleeing from Coomer clones, various other scenarios that were less common, had shaken him too much to even think of coming back here. He was a tad envious of how easily the others had seemed to get over it, but Gordon would never want any of them to have to deal with the same shit as him, and if he'd had someone else panicking with him, he would've definitely broke a lot quicker.</p><p>Gordon squished a shard of glass under his boot and watched the shimmering pieces scatter across the dirt under his weight. It made him feel a little better, knowing he could damage this former hellhole right back. He kept his gaze turned downwards for a bit and watched the little fragments catch the fading dusk light, but eventually moved onward. The main entrance was just up ahead- one of the doors unsurprisingly hung ajar and the main lobby beyond it appeared to be covered in small bits of graffiti that made him think of Bubby by instinct. He shoved the door aside with a boot and headed into the room.</p><p>He wasn't sure why this place had an official lobby- maybe it had just been built in case some fancy government official ever wanted to check in, which had obviously never happened, or things would've probably been a bit more put together around here. It was always a gigantic facade, even before everything had gone to shit. A well-decorated, white room with a help desk that seemed to give off the obvious lie of "<em>This place is completely safe and not shady or unethical!</em>" Gordon remembered joking with some coworkers about calling Black Mesa's lobby "The Mask", because unless you'd seen what was behind it, you'd probably be fooled into believing the lie. It wasn't like any of them had resented the job, but only the new hires could say they didn't have a story of some encounter with a shady boss that was high up the chain.</p><p>Now, though, being inside was... something else. Maybe it was the destruction, or the bad memories he associated with this place now, or just his imagination, but it was just... eerie and forbidding now. Outside, Gordon had felt like every direction was a possible escape route, but now he felt almost trapped. It made his chest tighten a little bit, but he didn't want to stop yet. Under the initial panic, Gordon definitely felt more courageous. Maybe it was just some adrenaline kicking in, or maybe he was just ready to get this over with and go home, but he decided it was better to march onward instead of taking a breather. Thankfully, it was a lot easier and faster to access the highly protected government facility parts of the place when all the doors and security systems were kicked in, removed, and broken. The hallways felt ominously empty without any guards patrolling the space, though, but that made him think about Benrey and instantly get sad, annoyed, and mad all at once, so he shoved back that thought and picked up speed again. </p><p>He walked on autopilot for a long time, and eventually found himself in one of the experiment spectating rooms- the kind that Coomer and Tommy had been watching from right before the resonance cascade had occurred. This one was not as damaged, obviously, and had been used to spectate some other experiment before everything went to shit. He couldn't remember what, but Gordon vaguely recalled that it was just a side experiment, meant to help with the followups to whatever would've been the successful version of the resonance cascade. Now the chairs were knocked over, dust had collected in thick layers on every surface, and there were small amounts of graffiti from urban explorers that had visited over time. Thankfully, the place was a lot easier to escape now that it was no longer on lockdown; all the entrances were open- or had been broken so that they were now open- and there was a lot less military and aliens running amok. At least, right now-</p><p>
  <em>CRASH!</em>
</p><p>Gordon whipped around, eyes wide, heart racing. He gripped the flashlight in his hand tighter and scanned the area where the sound seemed to have come from. "What the fuck?" He hissed under his breath, marching forward and hoping he looked menacing enough to thoroughly scare whatever threat was in the shadows. When it was clear nothing else was in the room, he continued down the hall. "Who's there?" Gordon called in his best 'threatening' voice, similar to the one he used when Joshua was in serious trouble (which was almost never). Still, nothing revealed itself. Terror had more or less disappeared from him- when he actually felt threatened in this place, he wasn't afraid, just angry. He was on autopilot, in a way- ready to fight back the next horde of headcrabs or peeper puppies. His feet carried him farther down the halls, his eyes dragging across the dark edges of each room. Before he knew it, he was down in the unused test chamber. It wasn't as impressive as the others, although he doubted any of them were impressive now. Just big old skeletons.</p><p>"You hear me? Just big skeletons! And not even the kind I fucking saw for months on end- at least those were threatening! You don't scare me, Black Mesa!" Gordon growled, still on the defensive from being startled earlier. His therapist had told him to do something like this- go back to the area of his trauma and yell, or give a speech, or something like that. He kicked over a bin, pleased to hear his own crash noise fill the room this time.</p><p>And yet, as the echo faded....</p><p>
  <em>aaaAAaa-</em>
</p><p>That was a unmistakable noise. Gordon froze, turned towards the source of the sweetvoice, and sure enough, his eyes caught the last of what looked like a green orb. The brunette shakily walked forward, and swung his arm around to shine the bright beam of the flashlight at-</p><p>Benrey.</p><p>At least- it must be Benrey. But.... there was emotion on his face, and that almost made him unrecognizable. Actual fear, maybe surprise. Eyes that were wide, like he was prey about to be caught by a vicious lion. But, there was no mistaking the jet-black hair that fell over his eyes, the dark pointed ears that stuck out of his hair, and his black tail that was currently curled around him in some sort of comfort instinct. Orange-pink eyes met Gordon's own brown ones.</p><p>"...Shit." Benrey managed, his face trying to turn to stone and failing for the most part. Gordon only could stare for a moment before finally recollecting himself, offering a hand to the eldritch, who took it nervously and let himself be picked up. The dark-haired man dusted himself off nonchalantly, and while his face was mostly stoic again, he still had a bit of that nervous look shimmering in his odd-colored eyes.</p><p>"Benrey?" Gordon murmured. </p><p>"In-in the flesh, man..." Benrey trailed off with a weak grin, looking on the verge of blacking out.</p><p>And then, get this, he did black out. </p>
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